Hey there, friend—

While at my gym on the treadmill this past weekend, a woman was inquiring about what I do and, after sharing a bit, she asked me a question I wasn’t expecting.

“How can I let go of past regrets and be okay with the life I have?”

This one caught me somewhat off guard—and I saw it as an opportunity to offer up some of my own insights.

First of all, this question is a first step toward what I consider to be a beautiful, albeit sometimes difficult journey of self-discovery and healing.

I always say that awareness is the first cornerstone of healing and growth. In this case, a person needs to have the awareness that regret is something they’re up against.

If you find yourself frequently ruminating over “what could have been” or feeling marred by past decisions and outcomes, you’re likely holding onto regrets.

Now that you have awareness, let’s consider what it might look, sound or feel like to shift your experience of how you’re walking with this prickly emotion.

What It Means to Let Go of Regrets and Embrace What’s Here Now

Letting go of past regrets involves releasing the emotional hold that past mistakes, missed opportunities, or unresolved conflicts have on you.

In some cases, that means using specific “release techniques” and, more often, it’s about getting the learnings and understanding there’s another way to be with the past.

A way that supports you in acknowledging these experiences, understanding their impact, and consciously deciding to not let them dictate your current and future happiness.

Embracing the present moment is a means for being with what is—fully engaging with your current experiences, circumstances, feelings, and surroundings with a level of gratitude for what is, versus focusing on what could have been or what “isn’t”.

Easier said than done, I realize.

It’s been my experience that these shifts don’t happen overnight. They will require some time and distance between the original event and the current desired outcome, which is to be free of the pain.

Why Letting Go of Past Regret is Important

Holding onto past regrets can have a profound impact on your mental, emotional and physical well-being. It can lead to chronic stress (✔️check), anxiety (✔️check), and even depression (✔️check).

While these may seem like stale stats, they are legitimate issues that can become debilitating over time (speaking from personal experience).

Regret keeps you anchored in a place of pain from the past and prevents you from moving forward in healthy, integrated, and informed ways.

By choosing to let go, you allow yourself the freedom to heal, to grow, and learn from your experiences without feeling like you made a mess of things.

Focusing on what’s right here, right now, carries the potential for your increased happiness, strengthened relationships, and a greater sense of inner peace and fulfillment.

In theory, it’s quite simple. And yet, when walking through the crazy twists and turns of life, this practice is anything but easy.

I shared a few of these practices with Jessica last weekend, and wanted to share them with you, as well, because regret can be a really tough one.

Some Practices for Letting Go of Regrets

1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Feelings: The first step in letting go is to acknowledge your regrets and understand why they affect you. I call this “being with what is”. Journaling can be a powerful tool to explore these feelings. Write down your regrets, the emotions that come up, and any underlying fears or beliefs associated with them.

This was a daily practice for me when I went through a 5-year grief process while healing from divorce.


2. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that everyone makes mistakes and that your mistakes do not define your worth. In fact, they are your greatest teachers. Speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend.

I would often self-soothe by repeating to myself, “You’re okay, Tris. Everything is okay. You’re going to be okay.”

3. Reframe Your Past Experiences: Shift your perspective on past events. Instead of viewing them as failures, see them as lessons that have shaped who you are today—and who you are becoming. A solid reframe can transform negative emotions into a source of strength and growth.

Ask yourself, “What’s another way I can look at this situation—one that, while it may not be the way I wanted things to turn out, will help me view it differently?”

4. Get Clear on Your Intentions Moving Forward: Get the lesson from what happened in the past, implement the feedback, and focus on what you want to experience moving forward. Use the past as a point of reference and decide how you will utilize what you learned from it. Consciously choose to create what you want for yourself, in your work, and your relationships.

This is where my mantra has become “Who am I choosing to become, despite how things have unfolded? Who do I want to be in this moment, and moving forward?”


5. Align with Your Values: Your values tell you who you are and what’s most important to you. Chances are, you weren’t aligned with your values when you made certain choices in the past, and therefore your needs went unmet. The person or situation is no longer available for reconciliation, so your work now is to align your thoughts, behaviors and decisions with your core values, so that you’re living fully into what’s good for you—even as you’re working through life’s hard parts.

I will say that regret can be one of the harder emotions to release because there can be so much guilt associated with it.

That said, this is just one reason why emotional healing and personal growth work are so relevant for overcoming our internal conflicts and struggles with the past.

Every regret, no matter how significant, can be approached with compassion and understanding—providing you’re able (and willing) to get yourself into the right mindset.

It’s about making a conscious choice to not let these regrets define you and, instead, working with various self-regulation practices to create more harmony on the inside.

Seeking professional guidance, like a coach or therapist, can also provide the support you need to navigate through deeper issues.

I’ve found that practicing self-regulation techniques can help train your mind to focus on the present moment.

Techniques like deep breathing, reframing, or even having hobbies (mine are hip-hop dance class, horseback trail riding, and flying airplanes) can also help anchor you in gratitude for what’s here now.

I hope this helps you in some small (or massive) way. We’re all human and we all have our regrets.

The thing is, we don’t have to live in a perpetual state of suffering with them.

What it really boils down to is understanding that you were doing the best you knew how at the time, and with the resources you had.

Chalk it up to life teaching you a lesson—really get the lesson—and do things differently next time.

Remember, you are not alone on this journey. With 25+ years of experience guiding women within—through the inner work, I am here to support you every step of the way.

I offer online programs, a membership portal (doors will re-open mid-August to join), deep immersions, in-person women’s retreats, and 1-1 opportunities for you work with me directly to heal the past, reprogram your patterns, and move forward into your full feminine agency.

I’m just an email away!

Until next time, sending lots of love.​