Finding true love is something we all desire at some point in our lives. That being said, most of us have also experienced heartbreak at one point or another, and we’re left wondering; “ Is it even possible to find that match made just for me? Do soulmates really exist?”

Absolutely. YES they do!

You can find your soulmate and fall wildly and happily in love. Of course, you’re probably wondering how to do that. It isn’t always an easy or neat process where everything just miraculously comes together and falls into place. You may have to do a good bit of work on yourself first. I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear right off the bat, but the truth is, we always have some kind of work to do on ourselves. And once you are ready and open; you can truly experience a deep and meaningful connection like never before.

One of my teachers, the late Dr. David Simon, used to say the purpose of life is to love more and be happy. I truly believe that each of us has an inherent desire to be happy, and to love and be loved in the truest and grandest ways. An unconditional, passion-filled love and connection exclusive to when you finally meet your soulmate.

What does the word soulmate mean to you? I believe our soulmate to be the missing piece of a puzzle. Someone that completes you and makes you feel whole and alive. They’re your best friend, biggest supporter, and trusted confidante. Your soulmate can finish your sentences, touch you in just the right ways, and make you feel like you are the most important person in the world.

It’s an inexplicable connection. Something words can hardly describe. A combination of deep love, passion, admiration, and mutual respect.

Finding Your Soulmate: Are There Soulmate Secrets?

If you are lucky enough to have found your soulmate, you can probably identify with that connection and unspoken bond that reaches far beyond measure.

But let’s be real. What about the ones still searching? Some may be so jaded that they think the idea of a soulmate is crazy. It’s simply a fairytale–an idealized story of unattainable love. It’s meant for romantic comedies and mushy pop songs, and doesn’t really happen anymore in this crazy modern world.

I’m here to tell you, please don’t give up hope! That amazing someone may be closer than you think. However, the fact of the matter is, there may be obstacles in the way of finding and realizing your soulmate. By taking stock of your past and current situations–and doing a little personal work–you may be able to open yourself right up to finally meeting and being with your soulmate.

Here are three things you can start to pinpoint and realize:

Take a Close Look at Your Baggage

What’s holding you back from finding and keeping your soulmate? (Hint: It may be you.)

From the moment we experience our first “crush” to the present time, we begin collecting and filtering information which, if the experiences were less than positive, can become emotional baggage. Past relationships may have left you feeling scared, confused, betrayed, and wounded. Negative relationships can cause deep hurts and, in some cases, even trauma.

Sadly, many people have no idea how to deal with and release these very difficult and deep seated emotions. Most people bury their pain through various means and just try to “move on”. Unfortunately, these negative emotions still smolder beneath the surface and tend to flare up in future relationships.

These unresolved, negative emotions actually fuel your limiting beliefs and self-sabotaging behaviors. Instead of embracing a new love, you may fall into bad habits learned during childhood or past relationships. Or maybe you have irrational beliefs about love. You can actually be torpedoing a new relationship before it even gets off the ground.

If your relationships seem to fail immediately or after about six months, it may really benefit you to seek out a little help releasing your past.

What are some common signs that baggage is weighing down relationships? It may be a general lack of respect or attitude of complacency towards the relationship. You may be self sabotaging the relationship out of fear it will fail. You may become bored, overly demanding, critical, and judgemental. Doing everything in your power to find things that prove this relationship is not “the one”.

Consider exploring ways to let go of past emotions, beliefs, and patterns. Seek trained professionals to help you come to terms with your past and learn how to nurture your relationship in a healthy, effective, and efficient way.

Develop Clarity in Your Relationships

Your thoughts become your reality. What you focus on becomes stronger and what you ignore fades. You have to know who you are and what is important to you.

It’s time to consider a few things:

What do you truly desire in the ideal partner?
What is most important to you in your relationship?
How do you know when your needs are being met?

How do you figure this out? Examine your relationship values. These important values are encoded in your unconscious mind. After all, you have values in every aspect of your life–career, relationship, health, spirituality, personal growth, family, etc.

Knowing your relationship values teaches you about YOU. The things that make you tick at the deepest level. Your partner isn’t going to have a crystal ball to see and know how to meet the expectations of your values. It takes self awareness, honesty, communication, trial and error, and patience.

Try making a list of things you want and need in your ideal life and romantic partner. An easy exercise involves creating three columns on a piece of paper. Fill in the columns based on this format:

  • Column 1: Things that are 100 percent must-haves in a relationship
  • Column 2: Things you’d like to have, but you may be willing to compromise
  • Column 3: Absolute deal-breakers in the relationship

This list helps you create the ideal partner avatar. You have a better understanding of your relationship values and have the criteria for a person who you want to attract.

Take Inventory of Your Current Relationship

Like it or not, society tends to approach how to find your soulmate backwards. Many people get together with someone because of attraction or social status. The relationship begins without any regard for aligned spiritual beliefs, mindset or values. There is no probing into emotional intelligence. Instead, infatuation and simply hoping this person has the same relationship needs propels the relationship forward, which often leads to disappointment and disasters down the road.

Truth be told, every single experience we have is a vital opportunity for learning. If you’re a bit more optimistically inclined, to see them in that light. There is no right or wrong choice. Ultimately, whatever experience you have is going to have something to offer you, even if the outcome isn’t what you had hoped for or expected.

This isn’t going to sound romantic at all, but bear with me. It would serve you tremendously to approach your next relationship the same way an employer hires help. The interview process is a little different, but this mindset can save a TON of headaches down the line. Next time you go on a date, see it as an opportunity to share about yourself, learn about your potential mate, and see what works and doesn’t work with your relationship goals. Forgo some instant gratification and get to know the real person you’re sitting with.

Yes, it’s hard. You’re putting yourself out there. You’re vulnerable. Gulp. And rejection?…well, it sucks. The other person may shy away, pull back, or simply show a lack of interest. And in the moment, it will probably hurt, but consider the impact it may have on your future. A bad date is quickly forgotten. A difficult long-term relationship can have lasting effects.

Do the Work…Good Things Will Come

Some people are perfectly happy “flying solo” or in casual relationships. And yet, the majority of us have this innate longing to share in the deepest, purest love by connecting with someone. Our soulmate.

Next time you’re asking yourself if he or she is “the one”, take some time to consider these ways to create space, and find your true soulmate. It might be just the thing you need to figure out if your next crush…could possibly be your forever partner.