What is “Self-Love”

I was recently asked to explain (from my perspective) “self love” and what it means to actually love yourself. More specifically, this man asked, “How do you actually DO it? How do you arrive at a place where you really love yourself?”
I love this question because it’s not something you do, it’s something you experience as a result of being authentically YOU.
Here’s the catch, though… it requires a growth mindset, an open heart and a willingness to be humble, courageous, and do the things that most people are too afraid to do.
Here are a few things I shared with him as we talked about what loving yourself means and how it can be achieved.
  • Make choices that align with and support your values so that you’re always living from your authentic truth.

  • Courageously move toward what you want so that you’re always elevating.

  • Practice being vulnerable so that you experience deeper connection.

  • Set and enforce healthy boundaries so that you set yourself and others up for success in your relationships.

  • Keep an open mind and a soft heart so that you are able to expand your capacity for growth and love.

  • Compassionately listen to others without the need to respond so that they feel safe, acknowledged and heard when in your presence.

  • Respond to life’s challenges with conscious right action so that you feel proud of the choices you made when you weren’t at your best.

  • Stay in your own lane and do your inner work so that you continue to raise your own vibration and inspire others who are paying attention.

  • Heal yourself from past wounds and learn to forgive so that you can free your heart from heavy burdens and welcome new opportunities with ease, grace, curiosity and excitement.

  • Implement feedback and use failures to grow so that you are always evolving into the next best version of you.
 And last, begin each day with the question, “What is the greatest expression of myself that I can be today?”
As you put these things into practice on a daily basis, you will undoubtedly run up against your own insecurities and feel compelled to revert back to old, unproductive patterns and behaviors.

Here are a few things to be on the lookout for when you’re in the work:


  • Resistance to change
  • Making excuses
  • Shutting down
  • Pretending things are fine as is
  • Running / pushing people away
  • Saying you’ll start tomorrow
  • Avoidant behaviors
  • Hiding / playing small
  • Blaming others
  • Negative self talk
  • Putting off the inevitable
  • People pleasing
 It can be hard to break old patterns and habits and the truth is, the way to do it is to consciously choose a different thought, a different action, a different behavior and DO THE THING.
Breaking old habits takes time and repetition. It’s as simple as that. I didn’t say it was easy, just that the formula itself is simple.
Time and repetition.
Try it a few times and when you get a new and favorable result it will inspire you to do the thing again. And again.
When you catch yourself choosing the right action over old behaviors, you suddenly have the thought, “Wow Self! That was really amazing! I’m so proud of you. I actually really dig you. In fact, I love you!”
Done repeatedly, you begin to fall in love with the person you are becoming and this, my friend, is how you experience self love.
Be kind, be humble and love one another.